Best interest in mind

I was just having a convo with my parents about the people who are truly on your side.It's sad to find out that someone "close" to you doesn't always have your best interest at heart. Friends, coworkers even family have ulterior motives. They wanna see you fail, they wanna see you hurt, they wanna see you broken. It's kind of sick and twisted, how they can be smiles and giggles in your face,planning your demise behind closed doors. That's rot from the core and outwards, how do you get to that level of being? Are you dead inside? If your my friend, family or whatever I'm loyal to fault I only want the best for you, your success is my success and we're going to celebrate till we hours of the morning. Your failure is my failure we can cry, be depressed and eat ice cream together, but I'm learning the hard way not everyone cares about you as you do them. If we're close then I'm investing in you putting in the time, the emotion, the work that whole heartedness it can't be faked. When that's thrown back in your face or used against you with some agenda that hurts :-(  like deep down like a piece of your soul is damaged. You can repair it patch it over time which I've done a lot over the last couple of years sadly. My circle has never been all that big to begin with but it's down to like my parents and two  maybe three other people. Everything has just made me feel like how am I suppose to let new people? To be honest I've been through so look much with supposed "bffs" I honestly hate the words. Once a relationship has gotten that title it just deteriorates. I don't even wanna get started on family drama and betrayal,smh. I'm wary on getting close to anyone and that's no way to live. This has been my demon for a while now, logically I know they shouldn't stop me from certain things or people. Emotionally though my heart is like "don't you remember what happened last time we did that?" Which is pretty much when I get nervous and freeze up, hasn't happened in a while so I'm making strides, yay me lol.....Anyway those are my deep thoughts for the day (and probably for a while lol) leave a comment tell me what you think on the subject.