Pack rat

I have so much clothes that don’t even fit. My dressers and closet are packed to the max yet I can hardly find anything to wear. I have the hardest time getting rid of them. They all have my memories and feelings throwing them away almost feels like getting rid of part me. I woke up this morning though with a new perspective on life and i want to make a change for the better. Not just physically my body and my things but emotionally i have so much baggage it’s time for a major clean up. I want this year to be my year for life, love and happiness. This warmer weather is doing wonders for my energy and overall outlook on life.

Reboot

I think its about time that i rebooted this I miss posting and so much has changed in the past couple months mostly for the better. First of all I'm a nurse I finally did it, my greatest accomplishment to date and hopefully many more to come. I got a job as a nurse!! yaay me lol!!! I gotta give myself a little pat on the back for that. What you may have noticed or not is the blogs name change. Although I'm back in school I no longer feel like the college girl at home. I feel like I've grown up so much. I've taken on my responsibility head on (at least the major ones) its the small stuff now that I have to work on. Professionally it feels good to finally be getting somewhere after all my hard work. Now if I could just finish paying my credit cards to finally reap those benefits lol :-p (work in progress). Socially I feel like I'm stuck though I have friends but they are all in relationships thats good and bad. I'm happy for them like hanging out and stuff but I feel like I should have more friends maybe some that are single just for the benefit of mingling. Where am I suppose to make friends since I do online classes ? I work in home care, so its not like i get exposure at work. Though there is a shining light in this social bleakness. My little sister has got a boyfriend (before me I know shock... but i digress). He's social or whatever I'm hoping with this will rejuvenate my social life/ or pour the life into that it never had lol.  I'm just hoping that this is finally my season. Lately I've been seeing alot of inspirational quotes on social media(side note I feel like god speaks to me through social media what are the chances that there is a post answering my questions to just as I'm scrolling minding my own business? coincidence? I think not) about Ruth and Boaz (Bible story) I even had a dream about. So I feel like thats god speaking telling me your season is almost upon us. Anyway I'll keep you posted ;-)...(cheesy I know lol)

The "Call back"

If we were talking and we stopped for some irrelevant reason at the moment why do guys think that they can call you a few months/years -_- after the fact and act like everything is okey doke Noooooo! It doesn't work like that you had your chance you blew it, you fucked up, you choked now you done "experienced the world" and realized you could've had a good one, your bored with your life/got tired of playing with your dick. You trying to talk to boring little ol me again hahahahaha did you think that I was sitting in some dark room crying waiting for your call or something... yea oook,  what ever helps you sleep at night ;-)

Summertime

Summertime my favorite time of the year the sun, the fun and my birthday what more could I ask for...but this summer has just been a total bust for me. School, work and family drama have taken away my usual care free summer attitude. This summer is the first time I really felt like an adult with issues...I gotta say it's totally not fun... There's been good moments don't get me wrong but for the most part I could do without the rest.So since we have a month left of summer the best month ever ( I'm not just saying that cause I'm a Leo ;-) lol) I hope it takes a turn toward bigger and better things. Hope your having a great summer :-)

My sign

Randomly started reading this book called "pink Lipo & empty hearts "  it was like a direct message to me from God the sign I was waiting for :-)

Best interest in mind

I was just having a convo with my parents about the people who are truly on your side.It's sad to find out that someone "close" to you doesn't always have your best interest at heart. Friends, coworkers even family have ulterior motives. They wanna see you fail, they wanna see you hurt, they wanna see you broken. It's kind of sick and twisted, how they can be smiles and giggles in your face,planning your demise behind closed doors. That's rot from the core and outwards, how do you get to that level of being? Are you dead inside? If your my friend, family or whatever I'm loyal to fault I only want the best for you, your success is my success and we're going to celebrate till we hours of the morning. Your failure is my failure we can cry, be depressed and eat ice cream together, but I'm learning the hard way not everyone cares about you as you do them. If we're close then I'm investing in you putting in the time, the emotion, the work that whole heartedness it can't be faked. When that's thrown back in your face or used against you with some agenda that hurts :-(  like deep down like a piece of your soul is damaged. You can repair it patch it over time which I've done a lot over the last couple of years sadly. My circle has never been all that big to begin with but it's down to like my parents and two  maybe three other people. Everything has just made me feel like how am I suppose to let new people? To be honest I've been through so look much with supposed "bffs" I honestly hate the words. Once a relationship has gotten that title it just deteriorates. I don't even wanna get started on family drama and betrayal,smh. I'm wary on getting close to anyone and that's no way to live. This has been my demon for a while now, logically I know they shouldn't stop me from certain things or people. Emotionally though my heart is like "don't you remember what happened last time we did that?" Which is pretty much when I get nervous and freeze up, hasn't happened in a while so I'm making strides, yay me lol.....Anyway those are my deep thoughts for the day (and probably for a while lol) leave a comment tell me what you think on the subject.

Should I ask him out?

Soooo there's this guy at work who just started working there and I think he's pretty cute. I'm trying to decide whether I should ask him out or just day dream about him like usually do for my crushes....If I do ask him out and then he says he not interested it's gonna be weird if I see him around. My mom always told told me it's not a lady's place to do the chasing butttt according to the rest of the world times have changed. I'm waiting for some kind of signal from God on whether I should do it lol wish me luck and leave a comment....

Side bar this guy asked me for  my number at  this event I went to at my little cousins school totally random. Thank god my cousin was there to diffuse the situation cuz it was about to get real awkward....