Pack rat

I have so much clothes that don’t even fit. My dressers and closet are packed to the max yet I can hardly find anything to wear. I have the hardest time getting rid of them. They all have my memories and feelings throwing them away almost feels like getting rid of part me. I woke up this morning though with a new perspective on life and i want to make a change for the better. Not just physically my body and my things but emotionally i have so much baggage it’s time for a major clean up. I want this year to be my year for life, love and happiness. This warmer weather is doing wonders for my energy and overall outlook on life.

Reboot

I think its about time that i rebooted this I miss posting and so much has changed in the past couple months mostly for the better. First of all I'm a nurse I finally did it, my greatest accomplishment to date and hopefully many more to come. I got a job as a nurse!! yaay me lol!!! I gotta give myself a little pat on the back for that. What you may have noticed or not is the blogs name change. Although I'm back in school I no longer feel like the college girl at home. I feel like I've grown up so much. I've taken on my responsibility head on (at least the major ones) its the small stuff now that I have to work on. Professionally it feels good to finally be getting somewhere after all my hard work. Now if I could just finish paying my credit cards to finally reap those benefits lol :-p (work in progress). Socially I feel like I'm stuck though I have friends but they are all in relationships thats good and bad. I'm happy for them like hanging out and stuff but I feel like I should have more friends maybe some that are single just for the benefit of mingling. Where am I suppose to make friends since I do online classes ? I work in home care, so its not like i get exposure at work. Though there is a shining light in this social bleakness. My little sister has got a boyfriend (before me I know shock... but i digress). He's social or whatever I'm hoping with this will rejuvenate my social life/ or pour the life into that it never had lol.  I'm just hoping that this is finally my season. Lately I've been seeing alot of inspirational quotes on social media(side note I feel like god speaks to me through social media what are the chances that there is a post answering my questions to just as I'm scrolling minding my own business? coincidence? I think not) about Ruth and Boaz (Bible story) I even had a dream about. So I feel like thats god speaking telling me your season is almost upon us. Anyway I'll keep you posted ;-)...(cheesy I know lol)

The "Call back"

If we were talking and we stopped for some irrelevant reason at the moment why do guys think that they can call you a few months/years -_- after the fact and act like everything is okey doke Noooooo! It doesn't work like that you had your chance you blew it, you fucked up, you choked now you done "experienced the world" and realized you could've had a good one, your bored with your life/got tired of playing with your dick. You trying to talk to boring little ol me again hahahahaha did you think that I was sitting in some dark room crying waiting for your call or something... yea oook,  what ever helps you sleep at night ;-)

Summertime

Summertime my favorite time of the year the sun, the fun and my birthday what more could I ask for...but this summer has just been a total bust for me. School, work and family drama have taken away my usual care free summer attitude. This summer is the first time I really felt like an adult with issues...I gotta say it's totally not fun... There's been good moments don't get me wrong but for the most part I could do without the rest.So since we have a month left of summer the best month ever ( I'm not just saying that cause I'm a Leo ;-) lol) I hope it takes a turn toward bigger and better things. Hope your having a great summer :-)

My sign

Randomly started reading this book called "pink Lipo & empty hearts "  it was like a direct message to me from God the sign I was waiting for :-)

Best interest in mind

I was just having a convo with my parents about the people who are truly on your side.It's sad to find out that someone "close" to you doesn't always have your best interest at heart. Friends, coworkers even family have ulterior motives. They wanna see you fail, they wanna see you hurt, they wanna see you broken. It's kind of sick and twisted, how they can be smiles and giggles in your face,planning your demise behind closed doors. That's rot from the core and outwards, how do you get to that level of being? Are you dead inside? If your my friend, family or whatever I'm loyal to fault I only want the best for you, your success is my success and we're going to celebrate till we hours of the morning. Your failure is my failure we can cry, be depressed and eat ice cream together, but I'm learning the hard way not everyone cares about you as you do them. If we're close then I'm investing in you putting in the time, the emotion, the work that whole heartedness it can't be faked. When that's thrown back in your face or used against you with some agenda that hurts :-(  like deep down like a piece of your soul is damaged. You can repair it patch it over time which I've done a lot over the last couple of years sadly. My circle has never been all that big to begin with but it's down to like my parents and two  maybe three other people. Everything has just made me feel like how am I suppose to let new people? To be honest I've been through so look much with supposed "bffs" I honestly hate the words. Once a relationship has gotten that title it just deteriorates. I don't even wanna get started on family drama and betrayal,smh. I'm wary on getting close to anyone and that's no way to live. This has been my demon for a while now, logically I know they shouldn't stop me from certain things or people. Emotionally though my heart is like "don't you remember what happened last time we did that?" Which is pretty much when I get nervous and freeze up, hasn't happened in a while so I'm making strides, yay me lol.....Anyway those are my deep thoughts for the day (and probably for a while lol) leave a comment tell me what you think on the subject.

Should I ask him out?

Soooo there's this guy at work who just started working there and I think he's pretty cute. I'm trying to decide whether I should ask him out or just day dream about him like usually do for my crushes....If I do ask him out and then he says he not interested it's gonna be weird if I see him around. My mom always told told me it's not a lady's place to do the chasing butttt according to the rest of the world times have changed. I'm waiting for some kind of signal from God on whether I should do it lol wish me luck and leave a comment....

Side bar this guy asked me for  my number at  this event I went to at my little cousins school totally random. Thank god my cousin was there to diffuse the situation cuz it was about to get real awkward....

Opinions

My joy and my pain, my failure and my success, are mine and mine alone... your thoughts and your opinions  are unwarranted and irrelevant, so you can just take them and shove them south of the border, your border ;-)

Dating -_-

Am I the only one who has been on a long term romance drought? I'm just saying....I feel like I've gotten to that age where people are like your still single what are you waiting for? Umm hello a nice decent guy it's not like I can just pick one up at your local supper market (if you can please inform the rest of us to this magical location) I'm 22 I don't think I've reached old maid yet I think I still have a few miles. But lately it's the only thing I hear not I so happy for you academy noooo...you still single your pretty enough.....why are single? N my personal favorite your single what's wrong with you? -_- .... My mom is even in on the act trying to set me up on a blind date with her coworkers son like really uhhhhh. My dad's side of the family like officially thinks I'm a lesbian,which is great. Then this whole dating online thing has been total Bullshit like 99.9% just wanna get laid which is fine but  don't waist my time n act like you actually wanna date..N people wonder why I'm kind of cross about getting in a relationship it's to much games the whole dating thing, frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it. The last straw right now is I met with this guy who I was suppose to have a lunch date with. Which we didn't even go on...We meet he says he can't stay we talk for a few n it fine. The he's like "how long is it gonna take for you to get "comfortable" with me? Like two or three meets" what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I hang with you 15minutes and your starting a count down for when you think you can get laid get the fuck out of here....it doesn't work like that at least not with me it doesn't. I deleted my account....I'm soooo done....lose my Mother fucking number....Seriously

Tinkering & DIY's : Basic Bead Bracelets

Tinkering & DIY's : Basic Bead Bracelets: Bead bracelets are a a good place to start for jewelry making beginners because they are simple and easy to make.   You can use whatever b...

Hey

Hey guys it's been a minute I wanna start writing on here again so hi....I'm back lol.... So a lot has happened since we last spoke I've actually been out on a few dates yay me lol (finally I know) I'm starting to figure out what kind of guy I want but it's a work in progress as with all things in life. I've been trying the whole online dating thing it has pros and cons. Pro: the amount of guys and the variety. Con: most just want to get laid or friends with benefits. Pro: gaining experience in conversation so I'm less nervous. Con: people use the fact that they are online to be rude. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the time that I'm putting in but then I talk to a really nice person and that feeling disappears. I think it helping with my confidence for the most part but yesterday I had kind of a set back. This guy messaged me that's cool but then he's like "what's wrong with your eye is that a fake eye or are you crosseyed or something?" I was born with low vision and  crosseyed my right  eye especially is really weak and I've been wearing glasses since the first grade. Over the pass few years with the help of glasses  my left eye has straightened out but my right eye is still crossed. The only time it's really problem is in pictures or when people point it out. I take it in stride because sometimes people are just curious but I still feel kind of sad about it. It's not something that can be hid with make up or a hat, you know. It's one of those things that really takes a blow to my confidence. But It's apart of me so I gotta love it lol. 

So started working out again this past week I'm really sore and loving it. My plan is to be sexy by summertime or a flat stomach would work too lol. I stopped over the summer after my car accident but I feel like I'm ready to get back  into it. So my work out is mostly core and thigh focused since my calves don't need to be any bigger lol. So I been doing wall sits, squats, jumping jacks, lunges,push ups, sit up, crunches and last but not least planks in no specific order. So hopefully I tone up and lose some inches. Any way that's me...later :-)

Its 2013

Heeeey guys Happy New Year!!! Already I can tell 2013 is a diva lol (snaps fingers) but I'm loving it :-) My news years resolution is to have more fun then last year and go with the flow. This is making life so much less stress full. Just to wrap up 2012 I passed all my classes yaay woop woop! My plans to party up news years eve didn't go as planned but I spent time with the important ppl, family :-). How did you guys bring in the new year?

So for the past couple of months there has been this re-accuring themes in the books that i read, shows that i watch and even the advice that i get. This theme is writing down a list of the qualities that I want in a man leaving nothing out. For a few reasons one is to know what i'm looking for and not to settle for anything less and two is to know when i have found him. I've made my list for the most part i'm just missing one key element the last thing on the list the most important one. One secret thing at the bottom of the list. It has to be something that will truly touch your heart that no one else could ever guess. It took a while but if finally came to me...just thinking about it makes my heart so full. Tell me what you guys think of the list idea ....also let me know if you guys want me to put up my list :-)

2012

Hey guys its been awhile... Its been a crazy few months with Hurricane sandy and then the snow storm. Lets not forget the week and a half of school missed which i am still paying for now -_- lol. If that wasn't enough i got sick twice which eventually turned into an ear infection. The good news is that i'm getting better, I got a new xbox 360 with kinect and zumba, and my parents saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to gieco lmao.  School is kicking my but as usual but i've decided to not let it stress me out and let god take care of it while i do my part :-). 

Some exciting news guys I told you how I had a fall out with a couple of friends this year and i;m glad  to say that i have made new ones :-) my clinical crew and I this year have really connected we all have like this bond and caring for each other. With that being said we went out last week and got totally hammered lmao we went bar hoping and lets just say my new name is twerk team Dede. Apparently I am a dancing fool when i get drunk and act like my sister lol. So me and this white boy that can dance brought the house down lol smh never thought i would use those words to describe myself epic. 

Another thing that happened is over the summer I saw somebody from my childhood at a family party always had a crush on him. So a  few weeks ago he hits me up actually like the day after thanksgiving. So he hit me up saying that he thought that i was a cool person and he would like to take me out. I'm like omg this is so cool I tell him yea, you know i'm interested. So we start talking and everything is going well then i find out that he is not who i thought he was. First of he's divorced which doesn't really bother me then he's like i got two kids who live with me, I'm like woah ok, then he's like i have two other kids by two different baby mamas other then his ex-wife and i'm like WTF. That is on a whole different level like Maury  or Jerry springer. I told him i was not interested so fast i think his head spun off. That is way too much baggage for even a regular person who's been in a relationship before, but for me who's had no real involvement its murder. 

Anyway I've learned alot about myself this year i thought i would share a few with you because i love you guys that much:

1. I don't take ANY sh*t from no one 
2. I am pretty
3. Momma is always right (don't tell her i told ya that lol)
4. The people you love don't necessarily love you the same
5. I have periodontal disease (No its not contagious lol)
6. Don''t to be afraid of change :-)
7. God has a sense of humor and he is awesome for a reason
8. Being a virgin is so cool
9. People are human don't put people on a pedestal that they don't deserve
10. Last but not least, love yourself and your own company because your gonna be together a while :-)

2012 your awesome thanks for the memories hope you go out with a bang!!!! That being said guys i hope you share what you've learned about yourselves this year in comment. See you guys l8a :-)

The whole world...

Is me or is the whole world out to get me i can't do anything right i'm not smart enough, pretty enough or tall enough....What is enough? because anything and everything i do can't possibly be it. Please enlighten my poor lost soul  because I AM LOST!!!!!! I am a lil angry at the moment sorry guys... as you can tell it hasn't been the best day :-P.

So I wanted to tell you guys that I got a new old car lol I named it charlie (i consider that name steady and reliable so hopefully charlie doesn't prove me wrong) he's a black nissan altima and he's the new (only...sigh) man in my life. Carlos was more of a bad boy so I've moved on to the sweet heart type lmao....

I love this video

Just once...

I want a decent guy that I actually like to walk up to and say :I noticed you around and seem like a nice person i'd really like to get to know maybe we could exchange numbers? (or i really want to get to know do you wanna go out sometime?) i'm just putting it out there lol...By the way i totally did a sucky job at my first nursing test not super bad but not excellent either in the 70's reign.  I'm carpooling with some classmates to clinical tell me why my car breaks down halfway there on the highway at 6 in the morning. So my dad rescues us and we make it on time but my car is shot smh poor Carlos :-( so now i'm carless (shopping for a car on a strict budget) not fun i feel like somebody cut off my legs. So there are 2 guys in my nursing class who I think are cute one in my clinical group who i actually say a few words to but theres always some girl riding his shlong lol so i don't think he's gonna go for super shy me. the other guy total eye candy and i have 2 classes with him :-D but theres still no hope but my eyes get plenty of candy lol

I'm sick :-(

You guys i'm sick and i need a nurse/doctor any takers?....No, i guess i need 2 do the job  myself :-P. So much going on these past couple of weeks i guess its all catching up 2 me. So much has happened in the span of 2 wks. One is i found out that I have periodontal disease or gingivitis. Its bitter sweet because it really does explain a lot, glad to finally no that its not all in my head and it sucks who wants a disease u no wat i mean... second skool has started 4 me once again got 2 admit i was kinda excited n i've had my first full wk of skool n i'm not dead yet lol but things can change very quickly so i'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts. 

Last but not least i went clubbing i think i did it right this time lol. It was n all black affair 4 one of my friend's birthday danced the nite away or kind of when my feet weren't hurting lol.  I danced with my friend n some random guy lol. i must say i think i was like the worst dancer there lmao n that is sad smh but i digress. Idid alot of observing as bad as thats sounds lol but i cant help it. It was so weird 2 actually have guys come up 2 me (not that we talked or anything) i was just flattered u no. One who i think was flat out drunk when i was about 2 leave called me over me being the goofball that i'm becomes a smiling fool lol. i nod or wat ever n tell him no thanks. He was there the whole nite didn't notice me at all but becuz i guess he thought he would leave alone or somethig n tried 2 reach out 2 me (wrong choice buddy lol). it was fun but i got home at 6am n had work at 8 am not my best idea but didn't think i would be out that late smh lol

Weavtastic

So got my first full head weave satuurday and it looks nice i can't complain right. The thing that gets 2 me, evybody is like you look so nice love ur hair, love ur dress and im grateful, who doesn't like 2 be complimented; Where are the compliments when my hair is natural? A lot of guys are always like i don't like weaves, weaves are this and that but they only checking the girls with the weaves :-P (where they do that at?) You say you want this and that but your actions go in the opposite direction lol actions speak louder then words,  I'm just saying...any thoughts?

Spa day

So i finally had my spa day on wednesday after getting a last minute appt the day of lol, because evybody that was invited bailed sucks for them :-P. So i went alone got lost 4 like 30mins but i finally made it and when i got there i was glad i went alone i didnt have to worry about anybody but myself. I got the citrus body scrub with the swedish massage 2 hrs worth. It was so worth it but the whole time i keep thinking i hope she doesnt choose this exact moment 2 turn into a lesbian lmao. Then after being totally relaxed i had 2 drive home which kind of sucked. it was fun though i totally have to do it again.

Me Journey

I have decided to go on a me journey. Its bettering myself thru positive thinking, gratefulness and fufillment. Its a journey to find myself because i didn't do it in my teen yrs like normal ppl lol. I started my journey unconsciously by just being happy this yr and so far 2012 has been so good to me. What a difference it has made gained confidence, will power and freedom. Imagine what i could do withe the rest of the yr skies the limit. The first major steps for me was cutting some ppl out one by one. If it hurts you more to be around someone as much as you like them or love them drop them like they hot lol. Not the easiest but definitely important. Another is gratefulness to be alive, for the most part healthy and for the little things. I'm grateful for my family, carlos (my car lol), that i have a job, my grandma is alive (thank god) and for a whole bunch other stuff. It balances out what you don't have right now. For the balance scale is pretty heavy on what i do have so why sweat the other stuff. Another thing is i been having alot of me time: reading things i like, watching my gmen kick booty (Go Giants!!! whoooo i digress lol) spending time with ppl who are worth it and going places i want to go. Like the spa i deserve a massage reason becuz i'm me or going to the beach, i'm simple person don't judge lol. I signed up to volunteer at an animal shelter becuz my parents wont let me adopt one (like a boss...I'm really feeling myself at the moment lol...mind out the gutter ppl gosh :-P ), don't let one obstacle stop your journey there are alternate routes. So when does your journey begin?